The Missing Love
by Izzu
Summary: Every child would have the desire to be loved. Even if he knew how had his father mistreated him in the past, if there was any little love in all that cruelty he had received... Cain would have still ask his father for him to be loved.
1. The missing love

az: Oh well, my bad habit. Usually when I found a manga that I liked and could be related to myself, I tend to get the urge to write a fic to it. Oh dear.... here we go again...

az: I just want to type a sadistic fic for once... This is a bet, if I could pull this off... then I know I could use this style of writing... -

A/N: Hmm... this should be fitted between Butterfly Bone and Bloodberry Jam, eh? I hoped so... ;p Am I improving on my writing? I hoped so...

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Count Cain or Earl Cain (whatever the translations be) but I do own that one copy of God Child part one and the rest I owed to my sis and Sakura-Crisis's scanlations and other translations. Characters and original excerpt from the fic are copyrights of Kaori Yuki and Crisis as for the translation. Excerpts from the Lord of the Rings are solely copyrighted to the late JRR Tolkien. No infringements are intended during this production and man, I do owe ppl for their language!!

* * *

The Missing Love

Written by Azzie Alienna Azuani Yami Azzie

'_It seemed almost like a dream that has slowly faded..'_

'_Not to me... To me it feels like falling asleep again...' _

Merry to Frodo in Return of the King

--

'...Cain, don't look!!'

'It's all right, Cain... there, forget about it...'

--

'REMEMBER THIS!! YOU WILL NEVER FIND LOVE IN YOUR LIFE!! YOU WILL DIE ALL ALONE...** don't forget**...'

'...Cain was the name of the first person who killed his relative...'

--

The young count sighed as he walked alone on the streets of London, remembering the words that had once spoken to him by someone that he thought had loved him as a child even though it was a really big lie. The teenager stared at the slow rushing of the Thames as he walked along the London Bridge.

It's been almost five and a half years since that incident. Yet, even when I had vowed to be free of his influence... it seemed that I couldn't. This hunger... even when there are people who will always willing to give their love to me without any interest such as Uncle Neil, Riff and Merry, the crave and yearnings for the tender embrace of one's own sire cannot be forsaken. Alas for me, I would never again feel the warmth of my mother, long deceased. Yet of my father... the very bane of it, seemed horrendous to my imaginations....!

Sounds of footsteps walking towards him immediately pulled him back from his musings, if not also for the edgy feeling that he was being watched. Cain turned around abruptly towards the source as a figure loomed to view. Yet as the foggy evening worked its magic of seclusion around him, he regretted the action as his heart started to beat faster and his body trembling. Half his mind was shouting to make him flee from the scene while the other half, stubbornly refused. The figure drew closer to him as a thin line of a smile lined his face in mock satisfaction.

A hand worked his way towards Cain's cheeks as the fingers caressed it gently. Cain's eyes opened wide with fear as his golden-tinged emerald orbs stay fixed upon the face of the newcomer...

'Are you... scared? So, why didn't you flee before me? Or did you miss the whip so much that you stayed your feet? My little crybaby...', said the man as by some strange power, Cain walked slowly towards him despite the intensity of his own fears. 'Fa... father!!?', Cain gasped as he tried to hold his father's hand as to embrace the man.

The cardmaster of the Delilah organization immediately frowned at this as he violently pushed the teenager away. Cain stumbled on the rough asphalt as he struggled to get up again.

'Why...?! Have you ever felt anything for me? All these years... has it ever a time that you loved me as your own child...?!', cried Cain as his voice shook, body weakened by both anguish and fear. His features twisted as if about to cry but no tears came. Alexis smiled menacingly as he cupped the lad's chin towards him.

'No... never in my whole lifetime that I loved you...', came the evil reply as Cain felt again the pain of the broken heart of the child in him. '...then why did you liked to torment and hurt people? And keep them away from happiness...'

'Who told you that...?', hissed the man as he grabbed Cain's arm towards him. The young count winced in pain as the strong grip felt almost to crushing his bones. 'Mother...', he gasped painfully.

Alexis other hand snaked towards Cain's back and dug his claws to the skin while the boy cried in pain. 'Hngh.. that wretched woman...!!', hissed the man again as the pain become steadily unbearable on Cain's behalf for the claws started to draw blood.

Cain fought against the pain as he tried to form the words. 'No... Aunt Augusta, my _real_ mother. She said this before her death... is it really true? Haven't you loved anyone sincerely in your life? Father...', he whispered as Alexis grinned in satisfaction. 'After all that happened, you still regard me as your father? And even had a nerve to question my action?!!', he exclaimed as he dragged the poor teenager towards a dark alley. Cain gasped as he was thrown towards the alley and received another punishment as he felt the skin on his back torn open by his father's whip. Cain winced as he gritted his teeth to prevent the scream from coming out of his mouth.

'Not enough?!', asked the older man as the boy stared defiantly at him. Alexis whipped him again as the boy staggered on the ground. 'I had always thought... argh!!', Cain gasped as he received another lash on his back. '...that you had at the least, considered me as your son. That made it worthwhile... because of it, I vainly ignored the fact that you really hated and constantly trying to kill me...', he spoke again as he clutched on Alexis's feet. 'Only when mom died, I finally accepted it...', he said as he looked up towards his father.

'If you really hate me that much for trying to defy you and poison you, why didn't you take it out on me?!! Why did you have to take other people's lives?!!' Alexis kicked the lad away as he crouched over his son. He pulled his hair up as he hissed over the lads face. 'I have to... It's no fun if I didn't torment you. And you're such a crybaby that it's a pity to not make you cry...'

Cain gave a look of disbelief at his father as more blood was lost from his body. He collapsed on his father's arm as Alexis caressed his face. 'Because of the manner of your birth, it is quite difficult to see whom you resembled most, is it?', said Alexis to the unconscious boy as he lifted the child up to his lap.

'You bear my looks as well as that of your mother at the same time... isn't it good enough for you that I loved and HATE you all the same...? My little child...'

--

'Cain-sama... where are you?!', muttered the anxious butler as he paced to and fro at the living room. Merry glanced at Riff as the man kept mumbling things under his breath about her brother. 'Oh, Riff... don't fret!! Brother was probably having some extra fun plying with some of those _ladies_ again... what a nerve!! And so late too... If you keep this up, I know he'll laugh at you when he returned... that stupid brother of mine...', said Merryweather as Riff looked at her with worry.

'But Miss Merry...!! You _know_ how Master Cain tend to get into trouble so often... And I had this bad feeling, Miss Merry... please wait here while I go out to search...', said the butler as he rushed out of the door. Merry stood dumbfounded as she watched him go but as he suddenly gave a gasp of astonishment, she immediately follow suit.

Not far from the manor where the gates leading into the manor, there was a shadow of a man carrying another as he placed the burden against the wall. Riff and Merry ran towards the shadows to find that the one on the ground was indeed Cain himself. Riff instantly pulled Merry to hide behind him as he looked up towards the visitor.

Alexis Hargreaves gave a smirk at them as he motioned towards the unconscious son. 'What did you do all these years? He weighs the same as when he's still a child under my supervision. I thought he might grow even more under your care without all the poison that I gave him...', he said, amused as he started to walk away. Riff called out to him as he kept Merry safe behind him.

'What did you do... to Master Cain?!', gasped the butler as he scowled towards the former master of his. The elderly man smiled. 'I just want to sent my love to my **beloved** child... can't I, little Merryweather...?', jeered the man as he bent towards Merry. Merry hid her face behind Riff's back as she dared not to look upon the evil man's face. Alexis straightened himself up as he laughed heartily. 'Please take care of that stupid child of mine, Riff... It's all you could ever done for him...', he said as he walked away.

The twosome darted towards the unconscious count as Riff fussed over him. Tears started to form in Merry's eyes as the butler lifted her brother while leading her back towards the manor. Riff glanced down towards the little girl.

'Don't worry, Cain-sama would be alright... I promised you...'

Merry chuckled between sobs as she mused over her stupidity. 'Yeah, I know... but big brother looked so frail and...' She continued crying as they entered the house.

'It's going to be alright.., Miss Merryweather...'

--

_'Does this hurt...?'_

Aa...

'Cain-sama...!!'

_ 'Then bear it for a while, okay...?'_

'Cain-sama... wake up!!'

Cain inadvertantly opened his eyes to find that he was back in his own bedroom and Riff was sitting nearby. He winced as he tried to sit while Riff gave a hand to help him up. 'Did he hurt you again...?', asked Riff though he already saw the new mark on the young count's back. Cain stared at Riff in a dejected way as he looked back towards his hands, speechless. Not wanting to say anything about the recent abuse that he let his own father relinquished on him.

Riff looked at him worried as he caressed the young lad's hair, affectionately. 'Why did you let him do it on you again? Are you still going to believe that he still loves you?!! Even if the blood had dried and the wound is tended, I knew that this was recently made. Not the old scars you bore since you were little!!'

Cain gasped suddenly as he tried to run his hand over his wound. '...it wasn't a dream!! He did tended to my wounds...'

'Cain-sama!!', gasped Riff again as the lad leant over the butler. The lad cried tearlessly as Riff patted his back. 'I'm sorry...!! But I still wanted to believe... he always whipped me very hard but when he tended to them, it was always so gentle...', said the young count as he glanced at Riff. '...Riff!! That... should have count for something isn't it?!! He truly hates me... that must have mean that he must have loved me at some point, isn't it? If one had not loved... there's no way one could hate, could he?'

Riff smiled weakly at the youth as he embraced him gently. 'Forget it... just forget it. Other than Sir Alexis, you have Miss Merry, Sir Neil and me to care for you. So please rest now, young master...', he coaxed as he started to take off the young count's shirt. Cain sniffed as a sound of the door being opened was heard. Riff immediately put back the shirt on his master's back as Merry peeked in through the door.

'Can I... come in, Riff? Big brother...?', said the little girl as Cain motioned her in. Merry slowly walked into the room and hopped unto the bed to Cain's side as she gave her big brother a kiss on the cheek. 'Now, feel any better?', chirped the girl as Cain hugged his half-sister gratefully. 'Yes... thank you. Sorry that I made you worry...'

Merry shook her head. 'It's not your fault... I'm just glad that big brother is safe!! Riff was really worried... I thought if he hadn't gone out to find you earlier, he might have made me crazy as well as everyone!!', cried Merry as he laughed heartily. He stole a glance towards Riff before burying his face on his sister's shoulders. 'I love you... I really love you, Merry...', he whispered softly as Merry felt a drop of tear fall on her neck. Merry caressed her brother's head as she felt the lad steady breathing that indicated that he had fallen asleep. Riff helped her lift him up as the little girl kissed her brother goodnight.

'I'll get to bed now... You too, Riff!!', chirped the girl as she skipped out of the room. Riff smiled at her as he started removing Cain's clothes and tucked him snuggly on the bed. He gave a peck on his master's forehead as he brushed off some of the stray strands of hair from his face. 'If only you had asked... I've always loved you as father, guardian, brother and everything!! I'll protect you... my young master...', he whispered as he walked away, turning off the lights and closing the door behind him...

'I'll protect you...'

'...Always.'

--

--

--- And that's all? --- 

* * *

az:..heck, This would be my first and final Cain fic, I guess... (unless someone liked this and want me to continue writing... e) Well, I'll go back to my Yami no Matsuei ficlet then. Jaa!!! Hope you liked this... so please review... 


	2. Missing and crooked love

az: I felt that the one-shot lacked something... hehe, or maybe it was too short. So I added this as a filler story... Happy Reading!!'

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Count Cain or Earl Cain (whatever the translations be) but I do own that one copy of God Child part one and the rest I owed to my sis and Sakura-Crisis's scanlations and other translations. Characters and original excerpt from the fic are copyrights of Kaori Yuki and Crisis as for the translation. No infringements are intended during this production and man, I do owe ppl for their language!! -

* * *

The Missing Love

Missing... and crooked love...

Written by Azzie -- Alienna Azuani -- Yami Azzie

Riff gathered all of his master's clothes according as he saw a slip of paper falling off to the floor. It was coming from his master's shirt pocket. Assuming it as just merely a scrap of useless paper, the butler picked it up to throw it. To his utmost surprise, it was not so and that what he had held was an old photograph of a child. The butler gasped as upon careful observation, this picture was of the young count; looking no more older than three years old. He gasped. It had amazed him so much that the photograph was still well-preserved and intact... so much for one who had claimed to hate his only son with intense hatred.

For no other conclusion seemed reasonable to him now but the fact that this old photo was given to the boy indirectly by none other than Alexis Hargreaves; the realization struck him as rather uncanny. It was strange indeed that Alexis still kept this photo until now with none other damage than a slight blurring of the picture. It was a wonder indeed on why did he kept this picture for so long. Yes... Riff knew that this picture was from him, no other picture of the young master was present on anywhere around the house; or even at the Cornwall castle.

'...haa..', came a mournful gasp from beside him as Riff looked over towards his master. He sighed as he watched the young master tossed and turned, trapped in his nightmare. Gradually, the young lad ceased tossing as he was swept into an uneasy sleep.

--

_He's near... I can feel it!! I must run... I have to!!_

Cain fell to the ground as he fell onto the grassy ground. He felt his knees pricked.. but it doesn't matter. More important now for him to run!! Or could he? Cain turned around as the darkness loomed over him...

His eyes jerked open as he returned inside his own cozy bedroom. It's dark already... the others might have already asleep by now. Still the dark, haunting fear inside his heart didn't fade. Unfazed, Cain lazily turned his head to his side when he felt like dying once again. His whole body shook with fear as Alexis Hargreaves cast a longing look towards him for the second time tonight!!

'No.. How?', squeaked the lad as he tried to edge himself away from him. Alexis placed a hand on his side, stopping his movements as he hung his head near Cain's. 'I have my ways... and my child, having nightmares... are we? Need me to soothe your fears?', drawled the older man as the lad shook his head fearfully. Alexis snickered as he placed an affectionate kiss on Cain's cheek. Cain closed his eyes tightly in fear of receiving another punishment, but none came. He opened his eyes to find his father looking at him again.

'Acting brave, are we now? What happened to that plea of wanting me to love you? Aa... I guess that was a mistake then...', said the mysterious man as he shifted his weight to get off the bed...

... Alexis paused as he felt a tug on his shirt. He turned and smiled as he saw the frailty that was inside Cain's eyes. Shocked at realizing what he had unintentionally did, Cain released his grip as he pondered in horror of his thoughts of wanting to remain longer beside his demonic father. The said man grinned widely as he crept closer. A cold hand caressed Cain's cheeks as the lad shivered out of cold and fear. Alexis gripped the back of the lad's neck and brought him closer to his face.

'You know... child, we could have lived _happily_ and together like before if only you hadn't KILLED her!! If she was still alive, as long as she kept on suffering for her sins... I would have always spared you. Then you won't have to receive this heavy punishment...', he drawled menacingly as he wrapped his dark hands around Cain's frail body. The former ran his fingers over the lad's back, carefully following the whip mark with apt interest.

Cain's body quivered as he tried to shook off the horrible terror. '... why... are you being... so evil? To her--', Cain's words were cut off as Alexis grabbed the back of his head and forced him to look at him. 'Me... evil?! What lies did she spoke to you before she dies--?! Evil... ha! She should have been the one with the wretched existence!! She did not love you as I--'

'You hated her so much... and me, but why didn't you kill me...', gasped Cain as he felt the hold around him loosen and as Alexis gave him an almost maniacal look...

--

Lord Neil walked arduously using his walking stick towards the front yard of mansion as he was about to ring the door bell. To his surprise, the door was unlocked. He briskly entered the house when he met Riff, who was also shocked at the knowledge that someone might have been sneaking into the mansion last night and considering the brief encounter with the former count...

The old men entered the mansion as Riff dashed upstairs while he waited below. But a soft sobbing sounds caught his attention as the old man followed the sound...

It caught him by surprise later as he found Cain sat on the cold floor, hidden beside the fireplace while still wearing his silken pajamas. Lord Neil knelt beside him as he noticed the lad was trembling horribly. It hurts his heart so much seeing Cain like this as he moved forward and wrapped his arm around him.

Riff eventually got downstairs, having not found his master in his room and saw him with Lord Neil instead. Standing not far from them, Riff watched them helplessly...

'It felt the same... yet why is it so terrifying--?!' The old man frowned as he looked down at his nephew before noticing the faded bruise around Cain's neck and wrist which looked as if it was very recent that Cain had it. Remembering the previous unlocked door and the intensity of Cain's fear, it falls down to Lord Neil's mind of what had really happened...

'Alexis... did he came here last night?', he asked as Cain slowly nodded his head. '--he was watching me sleep...', said Cain unexpectedly, causing Riff to gasp in horror. Lord Neil glanced at him as he guessed that the said man had came to visit, more than once yesterday. The old man sighed as he held the young lad close. He looked away for a moment as he noticed a piece of something written on its back.

To my beloved son, A.H., read the inscription as the elderly man turned the paper around. The old man's eyes widen as a picture of a younger Cain smiling at him, caught his attention...

--

'Father... I had not seen you yesterday...', said Jezebel as he followed the cardmaster into the study. Alexis glanced sideways towards him before casting an angered growl at him. 'Why--? It was none of your business even if I had stayed all night with my beloved child. Now, get out of my sight until I summon you!!'

Jezebel bit his lips as he reluctantly took his leave. Alexis snickered as he took out a pocket watch. He flicked it open and under the tin cover, another old childhood picture of Cain was kept. He closed it again as he placed a soft kiss on the pocket watch. '...because I loved you deeply, my precious. The day you die would be the end of us both... and until that day arrives, I will always be around to show my love for you...'

'My precious Cain...'

'Cain... can you get up on your own, or would you have Riff to take you upstairs?' The young count looked up towards his uncle as he shook his head. 'No.. you don't have to worry about me, Uncle Neil. I can get up on my own... though I can't seem to move my legs--', said Cain unconvincingly as Lord Neil cast a worried look at him. 'Poor child... you don't have to face it alone by yourself. Riff, please--'

Suddenly, Cain straightened up and wrapped his arm around his uncle's neck. The elder man gasped ot the unexpected gesture. 'I'm sorry, Uncle Neil... I became a burden to you--' Lord Neil merely sighed as he ran his fingers over the lad's dark hair. 'You're never a bother to me. Regardless of what ill was brought onto me, I will always do me best to protect you, Cain.'

'Thank you, Uncle Neil...'

'Thank you very much...'

FIN

* * *

az:...aah, read the last chapter on Hana to Yume last two week. Well, no spoilers... but it made me feel split between two choices of either buying the vol. 8 of God Child or Yami no Matsuei vol 10... T-T 


End file.
